Michele lighting the grill, in the countryside.
If you’ve been reading this newsletter for a while, you know how much I love Italy, and how long I’ve been waiting to receive residency.
A few days ago, I arrived at the Italian consulate in Chicago for my interview and was told that my residency was denied. To say that I was devastated (and still am), is an understatement. I built my life around living in Italy, created work to support this dream, and rooted myself in Torino.
The verdict — however confusing and marred in bureaucracy — broke my heart, and for a few hours, sent me into a tailspin as I strolled around Michigan Avenue. One could say that Chicago is a complicated place for me, I always seem to leave the city sad.
For the first time in a very long time, I find myself at a crossroads: I’m unsure whether to turn left or right as there’s no clear pathway in sight.
And that’s where things have gotten interesting.
Though my residency permit was denied, I have been given full approval to go back to Italy and continue my life, as an American Girl (see what I did there?). The country will not limit me in any way, but, I am not able to have certain provisions like other residents in Italy, and I must continue to go back and forth.
Summer in Italy, last year.
Therefore, it seems like the life I have built for myself will continue, just not in the way I expected it to.
Since coming back from Chicago, I’ve begun to wonder if I’ve been thinking about this whole situation wrong. Do I need an Italian residency to live a full and happy life in Italy? Does having a piece of paper that says I’m a resident change my perception of self or that of the ones around me? Where exactly does the desire to have residency stem from?
These are the questions I’ve been trying to answer for myself, and here are a few thoughts:
I don’t in fact, need residency to have a great life in Italy.
I compared my Italian journey as an American girl, to that of other American girls living in Italy and thought I had to follow the same “track” as them.
I have been splitting my life between the US and Italy for 5 years now, and I don’t think I will ever stop.
Maybe, not having a residency can be an asset when it comes to exploring creative opportunities around the globe, and can allow me to continue to travel as much as I want.
Why fix what isn’t broken?
Just being able to question this situation and live life as it is — is a privilege of being an American citizen abroad
Slowly, I am beginning to see that it’s not actually a bad thing — it’s devastating because I had this dream and all these expectations around what I wanted, so it’s natural to mourn that loss when it doesn’t come to fruition. However, the unexpected thing about this entire situation is the freedom I feel NOT having to be bound to a document.
This has been an overarching theme in my life these past few months. Whether it was dating someone new, expanding my social circle, breaking professional ties that no longer served me, or setting boundaries with family — the freedom in accepting situations and people as they are has been life-changing.
Strolling down Michigan Avenue in Chicago.
I’m not sure what my next steps will be. I’m home in the states and enjoying time with family and friends. I’m writing, cooking, traveling around, and connecting on projects and ideas that feel valuable to me.
I’ll be back in Italy soon enough, and I’m deeply grateful to have a beautiful home and amazing friends waiting for me. In retrospect, I see just how blessed I am to create a life on my own terms — whether or not that life is valid to a government — and I remain committed to it.
You always get what you want in life — it just never looks the way you expected it to. Embrace the freedom in that.