Working with the Collective on Ads for the Newsletter.
It’s been an incredible year of writing, reflecting, and sharing through An American Girl In Italy, and I’m super grateful to all of you for reading.
As I look back on the stories shared, I’m impressed by the level of personal growth that I have experienced, plus all the inspiration and conversations that I’ve gotten to have with others. I write to process, I share to express myself, and I engage to gain a new perspective.
A year ago, I was sitting next to Matt (I know that I reference him a lot in my writing, so I’ll probably do an interview with him at some point so that you can all get to know the man behind the brain) at Akira Back in Dubai, overlooking a beautiful skyline and brainstorming my next moves. I had just finished a contract at the Open Society Foundations and felt unsure about what I wanted to do next. Taking the opportunity of freedom to write full time seemed risky, but I remember thinking, “if not now, then when?”
The view from Akira Back.
And a year later, here we are — putting out this newsletter, working full time as a freelance writer for various publications in the US, and thriving.
As I write this essay, I’m seated in bed nursing what feels like pneumonia but truly is a horrible cold. In the age of coronavirus (and new variants lurking around the corner) we can never know what exactly we have, and the social scrutiny of a sneeze or cough is enough to send us into perpetual paranoia.
So, before getting to this essay, I did what any self-respecting woman would do: I made myself a dry martini. I figured that I’m already in the deep end, so one drink couldn’t hurt, right? I just wanted to console my feelings, having had to cancel yet another social gathering due to illness.
Currently at home, in bed.
Speaking of the deep end, as I reflect on the anniversary of this newsletter, I realize that it would be remiss of me not to acknowledge that this newsletter has helped me deal with my mental health issues. Many of you are paying subscribers and have read an essay I penned about this last year when I shared some of the struggles that I was going through. For those who’ve seen some posts via social media, I’m sure that you now know that I went back to the states in January to seek some professional help.
Now, it wasn’t because I couldn’t get help here in Italy — the medical institutions here are great, but for something that I felt very insecure about, it was necessary to seek help from a family doctor back home.
I was diagnosed with clinical depression and acute anxiety — in a nutshell, this girl has not been okay for the past two or three years. I have, however, been great at covering up my pain. I have since learned that my go-to has been to throw myself into several projects, put everyone and their needs before mine, and act like the “cool girl” who lives a perfectly curated life. Doctors are savages — they leave no stone unturned and they don’t give a sh*t about your feelings. And for this, I am grateful because I finally got the help I so desperately needed, and even decided to go on medication.
2018, laying in the sun at Valentino. The last time I truly felt like myself.
I’m not ashamed to say that I take a bunch of pills every day to help keep me balanced. A cocktail of Fluoxetine, Lexapro and Beta Blockers has worked wonders for me, and for the very first time in years — I feel an extreme sense of balance. They just regulate how happy and how sad I get. I’ll put it this way: things that used to trigger me or cause an emotional reaction, no longer happen. If I’m honest, I would say that sometimes I feel a little devoid of emotion — it’s not that I don’t care, I just don’t feel anything.
The medication, plus therapy, exercise, and support from loved ones had changed my life completely. I’m more focused than I’ve ever been, more logical than I want to admit, and I’m all-around happier. Going on medication is not for everyone, and, I by no means recommend that you go out and start taking pills — however, I do think it’s important to seek professional help when, and if you’re ready for it.
Riding with my crew in Asti, a favorite pastime.
Being able to write this newsletter, share tidbits of my life, and process difficult situations while living in Italy has been such a gift, and I’m so very grateful to each one of you reading. It’s like having a cheerleading squad for all the highs and all the lows. A great part of this work would not be possible if it wasn’t for the brilliant minds at the Collective and Are We Europe — Romy, Celine, Mick, Sascha, Natalie, and the UX team — I wouldn’t have made it this far without your support. Having a group of media professionals who believe in my work has been tremendous and I’m so excited for our future together!
What’s to come?
Well, I’m back in Torino after a short stint in the UAE and enjoying the droplets of spring in Italy. In a few weeks, I’ll head back to the States for a little bit to celebrate my sister's birthday, do some hiking and follow up on some career pursuits I managed to make happen. Yes, your girl is slowly working her way BACK into the professional limelight. What I’m hoping to do professionally is quite ambitious, but I’ve been so inspired by Matt and how he pursues his career, and have been coached by my mentor Iman Hassan to a point that I do feel ready to make the impossible, possible. The easiest thing I’ve ever done is bet on myself, and well, there’s no stopping me now.
Working with the dream team in Abu Dhabi.
One of the greatest things about life these days has been the realization that you truly are responsible for your happiness.
I take great pride in creating a life that works for me, that makes me happy, and that I can share with others. Italy has always been a place that grounds me and being able to call it home is a real privilege. I am officially applying for residency and super excited about this brand new chapter of my life — albeit between two continents. Maybe three…I also do love the UAE…